So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
