how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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