AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
