me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My balls are so social today.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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