i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
