who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
