I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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