Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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