i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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