he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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