I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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