mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't deserve a penis
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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