Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
no, he came in my armpit
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
