At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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