Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
