Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
