need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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