Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You can't just leave with hair like that
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
