hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
