Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
