saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
