that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
