Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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