I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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