what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
