i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
