Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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