If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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