He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am never drinking with the goths again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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