my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
