It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
