Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
