I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
