Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
