she looked like the bat from fern gully.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
