I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
