He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
