you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
