Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
