haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How does one acquire holy water?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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