he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just found a bag of teeth...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
