i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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