I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
