totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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