My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
