Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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