Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
