just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
