she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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