I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
