I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Panties = found
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
