I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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