Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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