I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
