You're so nebulous sometimes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
