Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What a dumb baby whore.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
