Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you would pick up someone in the library
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
