People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
