you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
