Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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