on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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