I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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