batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
