so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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