why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
