So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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