highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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