I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
