i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
