I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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