Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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