I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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