When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
