I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
