I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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