there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
